Love yourself First: How you’re looking for love in all the wrong places

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learning to love yourself

Being a solo traveller has a few connotations attached to it – be it the immediate assumption that you are in some way running away from your problems, choosing to be a nomadic gypsy, or the old and faithful “she’s just getting it out of her system”.

 >>> 8 months later, I’ve still got the sense of adventure very much in my system.

But it certainly isn’t rare to find a solo traveller – female or male – who have chosen to pack their bags and hit the road after a break up. Why not? I couldn’t think of anything worse than to be stuck in the same place as my (now ex) seeing how quickly they’re moving on or how slowly neither one from the relationship is able to do so. It’s only natural to want to ‘get it out of our system’ and cleanse ourselves from old feelings, emotions and energy.

So we travel.

love everywhere

But something I learned after my first ‘post-break up trip’ was never to seek love (or lust) while still getting over a previous relationship. We naturally need time to heal and more importantly – to learn to love ourselves first.

After all, no one else can love you before you first learn to love yourself.

Why? Because until you love yourself – imperfections and all – you will not be your truest version of yourself and thus getting into a relationship pretending to be a certain version of yourself — which is a recipe for disaster.

So instead of looking outwards for love, look inwards. Ignore what’s going on around you – whether your friends are happily in a relationship and it seems you’re the only one who is still single… whether people ask the dreaded ‘why are you still single?’…and disregard your conscious telling you that you need to ‘find someone’. Because it shouldn’t be about finding someone, it should be about finding yourself, first. The rest comes a by-product of your own happiness and when it arrives, it will be worth the wait.

Real love is…

Everywhere. In the feelings you have toward a place you love visiting, in a type of food you love eating, in a film you love watching, in a moment, in a personal joke only you find funny… love is everywhere. Keep your eyes, mind, and heart open and you will find love – just not where you’re expecting to find it.

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    Aim Subarjat
    February 14, 2015 at 9:31 am

    Your blog always inspires me…. “loving yourself” generates spiritual happiness, i think.

    December 1, 2014 at 11:37 am

    great post! As someone who moves/travels frequently, I’ve been told countless times that I need to stop “running away from my problems.” While I travel because of my voracious appetite for exploring, there is, of course, sometimes some aspects of it that do involve “running away” and it’s good to see that fact acknowledged as valid and not necessarily a bad thing 🙂

    October 4, 2014 at 7:25 am


    September 20, 2014 at 3:15 am

    Well said! Travel taught me this as well and I find myself desperately trying to explain this to friends as well.

    September 17, 2014 at 10:42 pm

    I would love to travel the world, but I want to do it with someone by my side. To share the moments with although a little bit of me also thinks it’s because I am scared. The only remaining ‘step’ I have to make in relation to my break up is going on holiday as a single lady again. Something that I am really worried about doing, however your post has inspired me to at least try!

    September 17, 2014 at 4:52 am

    Great ! 🙂

    Fashion Party blog
    September 16, 2014 at 6:34 pm

    This is so nicely written! It made me think!

    September 16, 2014 at 7:33 am

    Great advice! Just stumbled on this blog. I used to want to travel to get away from things, but I think of it now as process to learn more about myself.

    Lori Roa
    September 16, 2014 at 12:00 am

    I admire your courage to get out there. I am recently divorced and planning some new adventures of my own.

    The Queen of Dreaming
    September 15, 2014 at 6:30 pm

    This is totally what I’m doing right now, thanks for this post!! 🙂

    September 15, 2014 at 3:39 pm

    Too true. I fell into the trap of running away post breakup. While it felt amazing to be away and gone, coming back and facing everything again was almost too much of a bump down to earth. My travel high lasted all of two days! Great advice, love your posts.

    September 15, 2014 at 1:48 am

    This is possibly the most needed advice out there, but also one of the hardest things to put into practice. It takes time and patience to foster a loving relationship with yourself, just as it would to foster a relationship with someone else, but a bit more difficult as it is easier to see your own faults and think you should change. Another great piece of advice is to never expect someone to change for you, and maybe that should include changing for yourself. Somethings we can change about ourselves if we have the drive, but you can’t expect yourself to change into someone you’re not.

    Elle G
    September 14, 2014 at 10:34 pm

    i absolutely agree! well written!

    Lily la Tigresse
    September 14, 2014 at 7:21 pm

    I absolutely agree, I’ve wasted my time yearning over men who haven’t been all that into me causing a lot of pain (and some funny stories), but learning to love yourself first is the key 🙂

    Bianca Evangelista
    September 14, 2014 at 1:43 pm

    This is just beautiful. xx

    Miles of Happiness
    September 14, 2014 at 11:00 am

    Love your post!

    September 11, 2014 at 3:40 am

    Well said, so true.

    September 6, 2014 at 6:50 am

    So inspiring. I read carefully your posts. Find so inspiring blog!

    Erin @ Snapbacks and Racing Flats
    August 31, 2014 at 2:13 am

    Wonderful advice. I really hope that I get to travel solo some day. I can’t imagine any other experience that would provide as much self-discovery as solo travel would *dramatic sigh*.

    Clipping Path Outsource
    August 29, 2014 at 9:02 pm

    Thank you so much for the great advice.

    August 29, 2014 at 7:46 am

    Wonderful advice. It is becoming my motto. Find myself first, than when I feel that I know myself, then start looking outward.

    August 29, 2014 at 7:24 am

    Awesome post, with some truthful advice! 🙂
    Fabulous blog btw!

    August 29, 2014 at 5:18 am

    absolutely beautiful post juxtaposed with beautiful pictures. you’re so right, you gotta love yourself before you find love any place else.

    Kiara King
    August 29, 2014 at 1:28 am

    I completely agree that you can’t just go searching for love (despite what the very realistic TV show, The Bachelor, tells us). My partner and I had known each other for years before we actually started anything remotely romantic, in the meantime we both travelled (and ran into one another doing it), experienced life and found ourselves. When it happened, it was the perfect timing and completely unexpected.

    Do things for you, not because you want somebody. At the end of the day the most healthy relationship you should have (especially pre-children) is with yourself.

    August 29, 2014 at 12:47 am

    Love this! This is so moving. Ive noticed so many of friends who just always jump into another relationship after they’ve just recently broken up with their old bf/gf and all I have to say is that they really should read this post first haha
    XO Janina

    August 29, 2014 at 12:33 am

    I love this! What a great message <3 Now I want to go traveling 🙂

    Janani xo

    Madeline Fedmont
    August 28, 2014 at 9:49 pm

    Traveling is what inspires me and motivates me. I would be such an unhappy person if I would be stuck in one place and would not travel. That feeling of excitement before the trip is so incredible 🙂

    August 28, 2014 at 9:09 pm

    What a truly lovely post! I love reading through your blog – not only do you have the most incredible travel pictures and stories, but you have posts like this that relate to wherever you are in the world. Fantastic 😀 x

    August 28, 2014 at 6:36 pm

    This is such a beautiful and inspiring post. 🙂

    August 28, 2014 at 5:27 pm

    This is beautiful! And terribly true! 🙂

    Maggie A
    August 28, 2014 at 4:47 pm

    That last paragraph got me <3 I believe love lives in any and every heart that welcomes it.

    Maggie A

    Rekha Monger
    August 28, 2014 at 1:36 pm

    Just what I needed for today.
    Thank you so very much. You’re so inspiring!

    August 28, 2014 at 1:15 pm

    beautiful blog!

    Maria Andrea
    August 28, 2014 at 12:00 pm

    Thank you so much for posting this! It took me a while to realize this, and it works both ways. Other’s can’t give you the love you deserve if you don’t love yourself first….but you can’t be compassionate and patient towards other if you don’t know how to be patient with yourself too 🙂 Love all your posts!

    Kait Burke
    August 28, 2014 at 11:36 am

    Great advice! x

    Amber Rhodes
    August 28, 2014 at 11:12 am

    Lovely advice, as usual. You are so wise. Must be all the travelling!

    August 28, 2014 at 10:38 am

    I couldn’t agree more with having to love yourself before diving into something. Travel is a great way to find out about yourself, what you love, and mostly what makes you the happiest. I think it’s only when you start to find out these things that you are able to be more observant in who and what is compatible in your life to make you truly happy.

    August 28, 2014 at 9:39 am

    Love your advice posts! They are always so inspirational. Keep up the great work.